No hablo ingles?

A woman that volunteers with us is trying to learn english but is doing so with the least amount of effort possible which often leads to humorous moments... for me. I present examples. We'll call her L.

Example 1:

L: "I took a shit."

Me: "hehehe."

L: "What?"

Me: "What did you take?"

L: "A shit. A shit."

Me: (trying really hard not to laugh) "Point to what you are talking about (this is actually a terrible idea because what if she wasn't just mispronouncing a word)... Oh, a sheet. It's called a sheet. SHEEEEET."

L: "Yes. SHeEEeeeT."

Example 2

L: (talking to child) "Who's a sexy baby? You're a sexy baby."

Me: "L, you don't call babies sexy. Babies aren't sexy. That's not the word you mean."

L: (with indignation and defiance) "Sexy. Baby."

Example 3

L: "I don't know why I'm so smfd."

Chuck: "You don't know why you're so fat? I'll tell you why. Because you take home two grocery bags of those damn sweets every week. You need to learn to say no. You don't always have to do something. It's called control."

L: "Why you call me fat?"

Chuck: "You said you didn't know why you were fat and I'm telling you."

Me: "I think she said sad."

L: "Yes. Sad."

Chuck: "Oh... I misunderstood you. I'm sorry."

This might seem mean on Chuck's part but his intention wasn't to be mean. Have you ever had someone complain about the same thing over and over again and never really seem to do anything about it? His apology was quite sincere.